It’s been a while since I wrote in here— I’ll half blame that on flux. Basically, since I got back from the wedding of my best friends I’ve just been dogsitting, cleaning, packing, and sorting things out for Goodwill. And tackling my commission backlog, which I am happy to say is getting there. Dismantling this cluttered empire has gotten me doing a lot of thinking and waiting but not a whole lot of making, which has been depressing if I’m to be honest. And to be sure it’s kind of a sad time in MHHQ— homesick for the first time in years and sad to be uprooting and leaving someone I care very much about. Right now I’m in a neither here nor there sort of frame of mind— trying to remember all the things one needs to do when moving (how I moved to Arizona is a little bit blurry now— all I remember is mailing boxes to myself and that the air-conditioner broke the first summer night I arrived). 

And then there are other worries. Freelance has been slim lately, which leads me to want to stop waiting for opportunities and just forge out on my own path and start making things to give and sell— except it’s hard to concretely do these things when you’re changing addresses and trying to minimize stuff to move. Worries about careers, friends, relationships— these things can weigh too heavy on the mind sometimes. All the clutter that I’m letting go of in this house is metamorphizing into a different breed and taking up refuge in my head, I think.

Of course this is only half the story; the other half is that I’m frankly excited. There’s a lot of potential on board, and a lot of things that I want to face head on, improve about myself, and grow into. There are a lot of potential friends (who I really hope I can spend time with and grow into deeper friends, collaborators, and the like.) and opportunities, but until I get there I’m probably going to be a ball of nerves.

I write these things honestly though because my career has never been an easy one— warts and all, I am struggling to evolve and grow as an illustrator and a human being. Please forgive any sad thoughts along the way, because unfortunately it can’t be helped. I am optimistic though, and the next year will affect my work in ways I can’t possibly know or see— but I intend to start documenting, drawing and sharing so that as Portland becomes my new home, I can see all the little details I’d otherwise forget. I’ll keep you posted, but I’m hoping to build another Portland-specific blog in the near future.